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you can feel mad or upset at the fact that you’ve lost this and suppressing those feelings can cause resentment. i think the best way to keep him in your life is to open yourself up as a continued line of support for him- he’s probably going through a lot as well.īut also make sure that you’re taking time for yourself to allow yourself to mourn the loss of a relationship- acknowledge your emotional boundaries and things that cause you hurt and don’t be afraid to take care of your emotional needs. breakups suck, especially when it’s not really anyone’s fault- you’ve just become incompatible based on who you are. I think this is a really hard thing, especially bc you want to be supportive while coping with heartbreak. your identity is a slur, but that’s okay and, more specifically, that’s why there’s power in it, i only very recently started calling myself queer again bc i felt so weird abt ppl insisting it wasn’t a slur when it was like not only am i queer i’m specifically a fucking queer (tm) and that’s where the empowerment in the term lies refusing to acknowledge its existence as a slur just feels weird like why water down a term that has so much history q slur q slur discourse d slur but to expect everyone to be comfortable with that is unfair and dismisses the trauma a lot of lgbt people have in regards to that word. There IS power in calling yourself queer, because it’s a slur you’ve reclaimed. none of this, however, erases the fact that these are words that a lot of lgbt people have trauma with, and i would never find fault in someone for being uncomfortable with these terms and wanting them tagged for comfort. a lot of mlm i know find a jarring power in reclaiming the f slur as part of their identities.
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i call myself a dyke all the time- being a dyke is a large part of my identity and my gender especially. There’s nothing wrong with using a slur to identify yourself. a large reason as to why i stopped identifying as queer was because i felt like i was expected to use it and being expected to reclaim a slur, to me, felt like it took away the personal power i felt. when you water down the word and refuse to acknowledge its life as a pejorative slur used against lgbt people, you’re taking away the power from reclaiming it. the phrase “we’re here, we’re queer, get used to it” is meant to be jarring. moreso, by refusing to acknowledge the word’s existence as a slur, you’re erasing the actual power behind reclaiming it. you can find power in it, other people find it deeply traumatic. that does not, however, erase its violent history and current status still as a slur that has been harmful to and still does actively harm lgbt people. it’s absolutely fine and wonderful to identify as queer.
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We have not “built our entire history” on it, but i will explain my opinions more in depth since you’re all so insistent upon this.